Comments on: Writing That Matters http://www.vitia.org/wordpress/2006/04/07/writing-that-matters/ faults | sins | abuses Fri, 09 Jan 2009 00:56:29 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.1 By: Sharon http://www.vitia.org/wordpress/2006/04/07/writing-that-matters/#comment-23981 Sharon Wed, 12 Apr 2006 01:43:33 +0000 http://www.vitia.org/wordpress/2006/04/07/writing-that-matters/#comment-23981 I haven't commented on this yet because I don't have anything useful to add beyond what others have already said, but I do wish you and your brother well. I'll be hoping and praying on his behalf. I haven’t commented on this yet because I don’t have anything useful to add beyond what others have already said, but I do wish you and your brother well. I’ll be hoping and praying on his behalf.

]]> By: metaspencer http://www.vitia.org/wordpress/2006/04/07/writing-that-matters/#comment-23962 metaspencer Mon, 10 Apr 2006 16:39:24 +0000 http://www.vitia.org/wordpress/2006/04/07/writing-that-matters/#comment-23962 I could not agree more, and this is why I find your letter so touching and right-on in terms of what it gets across. I could not agree more, and this is why I find your letter so touching and right-on in terms of what it gets across.

]]> By: mike http://www.vitia.org/wordpress/2006/04/07/writing-that-matters/#comment-23959 mike Mon, 10 Apr 2006 15:00:49 +0000 http://www.vitia.org/wordpress/2006/04/07/writing-that-matters/#comment-23959 Spencer, I'm a strong believer in the possibility for rehabilitation. Sure, some of the guys my brother's serving his time with are fools and knuckleheads -- but others are decent folk who did something deeply stupid years ago and genuinely wish they hadn't; who wish for a way to make things better. More than a few go into social work for precisely that reason. Spencer, I’m a strong believer in the possibility for rehabilitation. Sure, some of the guys my brother’s serving his time with are fools and knuckleheads — but others are decent folk who did something deeply stupid years ago and genuinely wish they hadn’t; who wish for a way to make things better. More than a few go into social work for precisely that reason.

]]> By: metaspencer http://www.vitia.org/wordpress/2006/04/07/writing-that-matters/#comment-23957 metaspencer Mon, 10 Apr 2006 11:57:29 +0000 http://www.vitia.org/wordpress/2006/04/07/writing-that-matters/#comment-23957 Hi Mike, Each year I write a letter to the Colorado Parole Board -- but from the another angle (the victim's side). While my annual letters are often canned and desperate, your language and rhetoric read to me as fresh, honest, and understanding. It's gotta be hard to sit on one of those boards, reading documents from different sides and hearing testimony. What I think would put me off, as a reader, would be hyperbole. (I tend to get pretty hyperbolic when I write my annual letter! but I guess I can't help myself ... ) Anyway, I sense none of that hyperbole in your letter -- it reads to me as calm, understanding, and thoughtful. Good luck. Hi Mike,

Each year I write a letter to the Colorado Parole Board — but from the another angle (the victim’s side). While my annual letters are often canned and desperate, your language and rhetoric read to me as fresh, honest, and understanding.

It’s gotta be hard to sit on one of those boards, reading documents from different sides and hearing testimony. What I think would put me off, as a reader, would be hyperbole. (I tend to get pretty hyperbolic when I write my annual letter! but I guess I can’t help myself … ) Anyway, I sense none of that hyperbole in your letter — it reads to me as calm, understanding, and thoughtful.

Good luck.

]]> By: Rob http://www.vitia.org/wordpress/2006/04/07/writing-that-matters/#comment-23941 Rob Sun, 09 Apr 2006 04:03:51 +0000 http://www.vitia.org/wordpress/2006/04/07/writing-that-matters/#comment-23941 "But I know as well that he did committed those crimes at a time when he was far less mature than he is now." Not to be picky, but I think you meant commit. Not committed. Best of luck to you and David. Knowing you and your family the way I do (or did) I feel for you every day that he is incarcerated. Regardless of the outcome you are truly lucky to have one another. This ordeal has only served to tighten your relationship. Send him my best regards. “But I know as well that he did committed those crimes at a time when he was far less mature than he is now.”

Not to be picky, but I think you meant commit. Not committed.

Best of luck to you and David. Knowing you and your family the way I do (or did) I feel for you every day that he is incarcerated. Regardless of the outcome you are truly lucky to have one another. This ordeal has only served to tighten your relationship. Send him my best regards.

]]> By: joanna http://www.vitia.org/wordpress/2006/04/07/writing-that-matters/#comment-23938 joanna Sat, 08 Apr 2006 22:50:18 +0000 http://www.vitia.org/wordpress/2006/04/07/writing-that-matters/#comment-23938 just a quibble-- is "who I hope" a subordinate clause? That's how I read it, and saw "who" as the object of "hope" (and wouldn't we all like to be the object of hope? ; ) ) Or, is "I hope" an interruptor--in which case "who" would be the better fit. just a quibble– is “who I hope” a subordinate clause? That’s how I read it, and saw “who” as the object of “hope” (and wouldn’t we all like to be the object of hope? ; ) ) Or, is “I hope” an interruptor–in which case “who” would be the better fit.

]]> By: mike http://www.vitia.org/wordpress/2006/04/07/writing-that-matters/#comment-23936 mike Sat, 08 Apr 2006 21:00:43 +0000 http://www.vitia.org/wordpress/2006/04/07/writing-that-matters/#comment-23936 Thanks, Joanna and Dorothea. Joanna, I was worried about (1) for the very same reasons you were, and wish I could figure out some more graceful way to say that the prison system <em>doesn't</em> always rehabilitate, and so seeing altruism on the part of a prisoner might indeed surprise some folks. I'll figure out how to re-work that confusion in paragraph 3. Re the "who/whom" in the final paragraph: isn't he the subject of that sentence, rather than the object of action? Dorothea, your point about no man is an island is well taken -- that's actually something substantially addressed by my dad's letter and by the letter from the family in Takoma Park who've agreed to let him stay with them, but I should definitely put in some more about support structures. Thanks, Joanna and Dorothea. Joanna, I was worried about (1) for the very same reasons you were, and wish I could figure out some more graceful way to say that the prison system doesn’t always rehabilitate, and so seeing altruism on the part of a prisoner might indeed surprise some folks. I’ll figure out how to re-work that confusion in paragraph 3. Re the “who/whom” in the final paragraph: isn’t he the subject of that sentence, rather than the object of action?

Dorothea, your point about no man is an island is well taken — that’s actually something substantially addressed by my dad’s letter and by the letter from the family in Takoma Park who’ve agreed to let him stay with them, but I should definitely put in some more about support structures.

]]> By: Dorothea http://www.vitia.org/wordpress/2006/04/07/writing-that-matters/#comment-23931 Dorothea Sat, 08 Apr 2006 14:45:39 +0000 http://www.vitia.org/wordpress/2006/04/07/writing-that-matters/#comment-23931 This is a very strong letter. My only concern is that it presents David in something of a vacuum. No man is an island, and a good support structure is another guard against recidivism. If you could add a few words about what (besides you, obviously!) will greet David when he is released, I think it might help. This is a very strong letter. My only concern is that it presents David in something of a vacuum. No man is an island, and a good support structure is another guard against recidivism.

If you could add a few words about what (besides you, obviously!) will greet David when he is released, I think it might help.

]]> By: joanna http://www.vitia.org/wordpress/2006/04/07/writing-that-matters/#comment-23929 joanna Sat, 08 Apr 2006 13:59:10 +0000 http://www.vitia.org/wordpress/2006/04/07/writing-that-matters/#comment-23929 On the whole, I like this letter because it is respectful, direct and makes its point. The only things that I'd change would be: 1. "into someone with a streak of altruism that might startle those familiar with the conditions and workings of the penal system." if the parole board is part of the system, they might feel insulted---if not, leave the line in. 2. in the second paragraph, the phrases "performed tutoring" and "held a job performing tutoring" sound wordy. Why not just use the word "tutor" ? 3.In paragraph three are you saying that your selfish students are also generous? Also, "He talked to . . ." would it be "whom I did not know"? 4. paragraph 4: "he did committed" change to "committed" or "did commit" 5. p. 5: "a man whom I know. . ." Are you going to be able to attend the hearing? Good luck to David on this. On the whole, I like this letter because it is respectful, direct and makes its point. The only things that I’d change would be:

1. “into someone with a streak of altruism that might startle those familiar with the conditions and workings of the penal system.” if the parole board is part of the system, they might feel insulted—if not, leave the line in.
2. in the second paragraph, the phrases “performed tutoring” and “held a job performing tutoring” sound wordy. Why not just use the word “tutor” ?
3.In paragraph three are you saying that your selfish students are also generous?
Also, “He talked to . . .” would it be “whom I did not know”?
4. paragraph 4: “he did committed” change to “committed” or “did commit”
5. p. 5: “a man whom I know. . .”

Are you going to be able to attend the hearing? Good luck to David on this.

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